Language Slip

Sunday 3/23/08- 6:00 pm

Rainy Days tend to get the better of me by giving me the opportunity to overanalyze and over think. Today is no exception. Over the last week or so I've developed a fear of decreased vocabulary. Much of my days are spent talking in bite-sized chunks that are easily digested by those who do not understand English well but somehow make me feel as though I am losing touch with my own language. Obviously, this is part of the job and I do really love talking with students. However, I have this fear of vocabulary slipping away or being stuffed into the attic of my brain to collect dust. I need language as much as I need music. Along with the meditation, I've realized that I NEED to read and write everyday. Something that I've always enjoyed doing, but it is as necessary as eating or drinking at this point.

It is a constant learning process trying to figure out how to best subsist in everyday life. It's a puzzle that I've come to actually come to really enjoy as perverse as that may sound. I've realized long ago that I don't particularly fit in anywhere and don't really want to. At the same time, I have no time for people who purposely aim to fit into a certain niche. Where and whenever I am happy, I know that's a place where I belong. If I'm not happy, I know I have to get out of there. It's a lesson I taught myself years ago. Since I was a kid, many people who have such a highly competitive nature have always annoyed me due to the ugliness and level of self-absorption it tends to bring out of them. I've often been criticized for not being competitive enough, but because I was so turned off by all the absurdity of many of these people I went to school with, I refused to act in such a way. This is around the time that I stopped faking any enjoyment out of playing most sports. I hated playing sports then and still do to this day (Hoccer excluded).

Obviously, no offense is meant here. I have a lot of great friends and family who love sports and are wonderful people without any of the ugliness I mentioned earlier- and I do enjoy the occasional game on TV.

Not sure how the topic of language turned into a rant of sorts. I'm actually quite happy and content today, just thinking too much. xoxoian